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Postcards from the POSTAL NATION

In the decade that the POSTAL franchise has stalked the Earth, our success can be attributed primarily to two things: Good games and even better fans. We genuinely believe that our fans are the most creative, passionate and supportive group of gamers on this planet. As a result, Postal Nation has no geographic borders; rather, it is a state of mind that spans the globe. Our fans enjoy indulging in some harmless fun and they possess a sense of humor, and we want to thank you all from the bottom of our withered, black hearts.

Now let’s hear from some of those fans as well as checking out some of their most creative contributions to our legacy.

POSTAL LEGO VIDEO

We’ll start off with a missive from Frank Molnar of MTV Europe’s GUNK who just concluded an interview with the Vince McMahon of promoters whose first name is Vince, our own Vince Desi…

FAN: The interview [Vince gave to GUNK/MTV Europe] is fucking great man! Everybody loves it here [and is] on the floor. :)

Normally we [would] translate it to boring Dutch, BUT... we will publish it for the first time in the history of mankind and also in the history of GUNKmagazine in your POSTAL language. We are an independent company so we fuck the rest and we have no rules! And still we have 57% of the market in Benelux!

PN: Great to hear from you, Frank. I suspect we’ll be hearing a lot more from one another in the months to come. Next up is longtime Maltese fan Paul Falzon:

FAN: To Vince Desi, and all the genius staff of RWS—Happy 10th Anniversary!!! Thanks from a hardcore fan for fighting for our gaming rights and liberty of expression and entertainment! The gaming industry owes you guys more then most ppl realize. Keep it up, I'll be the first in Malta to be seeing your movie (unless it’s banned that is - which is better [since] it will [encourage] ppl to see it) and am awaiting POSTAL III—ready to purchase a new PC. Keep it up guys, keep up your great fan and customer contact, all your fans love ya! Thanks :DPaul (AKA: Pawlu, Pavlus, pOsTaLeD)

PN: Back atcha, Paul. As for the movie, well, they can ban it, but they can’t stop you from buying it online as a DVD if you really want to see it (just ask the POSTAL fans in all the countries that have banned US!). We still haven’t seen it, but the first four minutes have us… curious.

FAN: I have been searching for your email address since the day I first played POSTAL in my recently purchased Fudge Pack [link to Fudge Pack purchase in the site store. BK] to congratulate you on a marvelous game series. I never played any of the POSTAL games until a few months ago, but once I did, I instantly loved the humor and manically insane, unforgiving violence that can be achieved (but I especially like the fact that you don't force players into these circumstances—the player has freedom of moral choice—and I think that makes me have more respect for RWS than anything else). I love this series and RWS. I can't wait for POSTAL III!

George Mylonas

PN: You’d be amazed at the number of moral demagogues who still haven’t figured out that the violence level is determined exclusively by the player. Maybe we could have you explain it to Jack Thompson, Hillary, Joe Lieberman and the other opportunistic but uninformed political snake oil salesmen.

FAN: I'm a huge, long-time fan of the POSTAL franchise... back when stores actually used to carry it.  I can't count the number of times you have brought laughter and joy into my life through these games... for some odd reason, the idea of snorting catnip, kicking someone in the face till they die, then blowing their body up in the air just to get under it and shoot it up 50 feet in the air just... mmmm... satisfies me in ways no woman ever could.

Thanks again, guys... keep the fucked-uppitude cranked high.

Kenny Good

PN: No worries, Kenny, we have it crazy glued to “11”.

FAN: Hey! What the hell? POSTAL 3 for PC and 360 only? What about us broke assed PS3 fuckers?

Bryan Loder

PN: Dude, as soon as you can get Sony to answer our calls, we might even consider giving the PSP an interesting game to play. But they’re apparently too busy firing Ken Kutaragi to deal with the likes of us.

FAN: Hey Dude, Man I just saw the trailer for your movie and holy shit, it sent chills up my spine! This movie looks too excellent. And thank god for Zack Ward, he is the perfect person for this job. Man I feel like I’m missen’ out on the coolest thing to hit AZ ever. Me and the others are still in the recording process. We’re saving our guaranteed hard stuff just for you guys. Hit us up any time. We'll be here writing music and smokin’ Leona. [Link to area in store where readers can order CD? BK]

Your Devoted RWS Slaves
Chris Maher
The Dead Onez

PN: Since we don’t like to take credit—or blame; we get enough of that—for other peoples’ work, the fact is that other than providing the basic, nihilistic inspiration for the POSTAL movie, it’s all Uwe Boll. Except for Vince’s breakout performance as a nutsack, of course. And thanks to everybody who wrote or thought nice things about us. See you right here next issue.