DEAR MS. HADES
Old Men, Young Ho's

DEAR MS. HADES,

In June I would be celebrating my 45th wedding anniversary, but my once devoted husband, Irving, left me for an RV.

One day he told me he wanted to retire and tour our great nation. Then the lying began. All I heard was lie after lie. I wanted to be a good wife, so I agreed with my loving husband. He sold our home, telling me how we would be on the road most of the time. Instead he stuck me in a condo, pulled all the money out of our savings and investments and announced he wanted to separate for a few months.

Just after Lent, he took off in the RV with a stripper named Tawny Highs. She had an awfully sinful reputation and had taken lots of men for a trip and all of their money. Of course my poor husband didn’t know this and there was no way I could warn him. He and Tawny took off without me telling me in the middle of the night.

At every point on their trip they sent me a postcard. It made me so sick I vomited often.

Four months later I looked up and Irving walked into the beauty shop where I worked with shaggy long hair and a handlebar mustache. Before Tawny came along his hair never even touched the tops of his ears.

Yes, he wanted me back and yes, I took him back. He works late nights and doesn’t see Tawny any more. It’s been about 2 weeks but we are happy and I know we will be together forever!

Ms. Hades, do you have any suggestions on what I can do to keep my husband interested in only me?

Happy He Heaved Ho

DEAR HEAVED: What a cheery bunch of crap. If you really love him and think you will be together “forever” — strip his ass bare, tie him down and brand him. Make that slut come by every week and duct tape her ass to an uncomfortable folding chair. Strap on your biggest cock and pound your male like a piece of veal while she watches. Make him your dancing whore. Oh yeah, share those meds!

Do you have a question for Ms. Hades? Ask the question here!