DEAR MS. HADES
Butt Plug The Whiner

That’s right, gentle reader, it’s time for more advice for the love-torn; guidance for those who understand that love only hurts when it’s done correctly from our own little angel from the underworld, Ms. Hades. Let ‘er rip…

DEAR MS. HADES: People constantly talk about me and to me like I am gay. When I ask why they react to me in this manner, they say silly things like: “It’s because you wear those shorty-shorts all year around.” Or: “Why do you only have men at your place? Don’t you know any good fag-hags?”

Why don’t they just see that I have very high morals?

It gets worse. When I have my male friends over they think I am having some sort of male bathhouse frenzy. I finally invited a couple of nice women over and they thought I was running a bisexual brothel. I CAN’T WIN!

Ms. Hades, how can I make them stop their mean gossip?

Signed,
- BRUCE IN LITTLE ROCK

DEAR BRUCE: Let’s say just for the Hell of it that you are not really gay. Yeah, sure you’re not. And I don’t enjoy suspending men and banging objects into every orifice I can, either.

Look, I tried reading your pansy-assed letter and gave up somewhere after blah, blah, blah. Here’s my advice: crawl naked to the feet of a Dominant and grovel. Do not speak because I am sure you would annoy the crap out them. Have a note pinned to your back imploring them to train you and maybe you will gain a personality in addition to a healthy collection of welts.

And now that I’ve whipped that pussy little puissant into shape, I have no doubt that there are more of you out there who crave the wisdom of Ms. Hades. If so, you can send me a letter in care of Postal Nation, but don’t hold your breath waiting for me to answer it.

By the way, for a look at some more of the amazing art produced by the lady who renders me in cartoon fashion at the top of this column, check out Kelly, the fabulous young lady who drew up Ms. Hades.

Till next time, be bad…
-- Ms. Hades

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