The Right Direction!
By Tim Wambolt

(Notice: The contents of the following article do not represent the opinions of any of the members of Running With Scissors expect for that asshole Tim that wrote it.)


Tim Wambolt here, if I could please have a moment of your time I would like to address a concern that many fans have shared with me in emails regarding our decision to elect Uwe Boll as the Director of our movie POSTAL instead of Quentin Tarantino. The fact that the developers of the "worst game ever" (as proclaimed by PC World) would collaborate with the "worst director ever" (as proclaimed by the rest of the world) because they thought it would be hilarious, or that "no other director would", or that a small, Tucson-based company could use financial assistance for funding another game is simply not the point. Sure Tarantino is the biggest celebrity director in the world, but is he really ready to make a video game movie? Let's examine the facts.

First and foremost, look at their track records, Uwe Boll is clearly more experienced! Count their films. Quentin Tarantino will often take several years trying to "perfect" an individual film, while Uwe Boll cranks out eight to ten movies a year! That's a lot of experience!

Secondly, Uwe Boll fought in the ring with movie critics, asking "Who are you to criticize my movies?" Quentin Tarantino takes the cowardly approach of pleasing critics by making his films "good" to avoid confrontation! Look at the special features on the POSTAL DVD; Uwe Boll is not afraid to fight! He beat the crap out of a 17 year old child for posting negative blog comments about him! That is true bravery!

Uwe Boll has done more traveling than Tarantino has. Reservoir Dogs was confined to a single location. Wouldn't you rather watch an Uwe Boll movie with changing scenery like Bloodrayne 2? Who cares if the movie is a Western in the 1880s based on a Nazi game in the 1940s? Understanding why or how Uwe Boll will get things done is not the point! I would rather just hear him talk around our questions and use cool catch phrase like: "Let's fight in za boxing ring to determine who is za better director!" He is shaking up Hollywood! Quentin Tarantino has never fought in a boxing ring in his life! In fact, he has agreed on several occasions to meet movie critics without pre-conditions to discuss film! Discuss! Not fight! Not box! Discuss! "Hey let's talk about movies that have worked before to improve the film industry because it's worse now then it has ever been!" What a coward! Uwe Boll understands that critics are not to be spoken to, they are to be punched and beaten up!

Why create new non-linear story telling movies when classics exist now like Scary Movie, Date Movie, Disaster Movie, Epic Movie and Superhero Movie? Those movies are hilarious! They spoof real films by making someone fall down! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Genius! And Uwe Boll promises to continue this tradition and maintain the state that the industry has been in for the last several years! We need more of the same! Not change! And yes, I do realize that nobody likes those movies, but do we really want a cowardly director like Quentin Tarantino who gives in to what people want? Tarantino has to rely on people "knowing about his films" in order for them to be seen! Uwe Boll put his advertising campaign on hold! He did not put POSTAL in theaters or advertise it at all, he is not worried if nobody ever sees it because they've "never heard of it"! If you're a real man like Uwe Boll, you fight! You don't worry! You punch 17 year old children! You create more enemies that haven't done anything to you! You call Michael Bay a "fucking retard!" That's what Uwe Boll does, he's controversial and he cusses and I can relate to that! I want a down-to-earth director, someone I can have a beer with, that's the most important factor to consider when deciding who should be in charge of your movie!

Uwe Boll was always my dream director and one day I awoke and it was a dream come true! If you also dream of those same qualities in a leader, you too should wake up.

Tim Wambolt